I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
