I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
