YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
