Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
