I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
