Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
