Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
