i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
