last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
