I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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