that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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