He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
