ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
