i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
