Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
