I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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