I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
