So drunk its hurt
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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