i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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