She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
