I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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