Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was CRYING into my vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
