this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
