You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
