i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
