There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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