Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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