I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
