She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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