new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
