the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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