If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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