i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She bit a glass in half.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
