Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
