Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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