he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
