That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
