why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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