I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
