Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
