they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
