U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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