the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
