Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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