sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
