I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
