Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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