Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
