When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
