dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You ruined the universe
Randomize
