i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
