We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
