One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
