Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
