no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
