I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
